Being nice to people.

Okay, so the title doesn't really capture the essence of what I want to talk about, but meh. It seems that in this day and age, respecting everyone is the greatest thing that people can do, and it has been that way for a long time. However, I believe that the meaning of 'respect' has become twisted somewhere along the way.

Firstly, it seems that to most people, respect means 'to be nice to them no matter what', this means you cannot question them, their opinions or their way of living. But to me, it means something completely different. People think that because I disagree with their opinions and think that they are wrong, I am not respecting them... no, I am just not agreeing , it doesn't meant that I don't respect them. I can get into a discussion with someone about a topic.. say, the environment.. disagree with everything they say, potentially throw in some insults, and come out of it not thinking less of them as a person (in fact, possibly thinking more of them, I respect people who will fight for their views). To me, that is respect.. the ability to have a massive argument/debate and come out with no hard feelings. But unfortunately that is not really how it works, for example, I was having an argument about saving beached whales (I was, of course, on the 'no need to save them' side) and someone piped up in the middle saying that I was a cunt and that they don't like me, purely because I didn't share their opinion.... Which gracefully brings me to my next point.. the warped conditions of being nice/showing respect: The fact that that being nice to people and showing respect for them only applies if the person shares opinions that the majority of humans share, or if their opinions and views aren't objectionable. So if a person is not against whaling, they are a bad person and don't deserve as much respect as someone who is against whaling. And you may say that this isn't true, but I have had plenty of experience with this way of thinking and I maintain that it is true.

My guess as to why people think less of you if you disagree with them is that I believe that 'being nice' to someone has lost all meaning. It is just something that you are expected to do no matter what, and that includes respecting other's opinions and not being outspoken about your own ("I would rather be overly nice to people than overly mean"). But to me, that doesn't make much sense, it has softened people and made them over-react when other people disagree with them. They are so accustomed to that old 'treat others as you wish to be treated' sort of thinking that we have hammered into us from a young age, that when someone doesn't agree with them, and tells them that their "opinion is stupid", they don't know how to react so just instincively react with agression ("yeah? well you are a cunt"). Therefore I think that maybe 'niceness etiquette' needs to change.. being nice to people shouldn't be the something you do to avoid conflict, people being nice to you should be something that is deserved.

Respect, not niceness, should be the 'default setting', regardless of whether they agree with you or not. That's not to say that you shouldn't quesiton their opinions, go hard! But when it (the argument, discussion, whatever) is over, still respect them, respect that they have their own ways of thinking and while they may not be the same as yours, that doesn't make them any worse of a person.